My Sunday post game show (week 4)
Monday, September 29, 2008
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I feel like Indiana Jones because after years of digging, I have finally found the perfect analogy for football that anyone can understand. The regular season of football from week 1 to week 6 is like a 20% off sale. Those who love shopping never really want to miss a sale but if you have to miss one, you won't be too upset at missing one of these sales. Week 7-13 is like a 40% off sale. It doesn't matter if you've missed the 20% off sales, but you know you want to hit every single of these sales or else you'll miss out on what you truly want and you'll be left on the sidelines watching people parade around in what you know you should have had. Week 14-17 is a 50% off sale. If you've been keeping up with the 20% off and the 40% off sales, then the 50% off sales are ones you really don't want to miss. Let's say you caught two 20% off sales,but you only made it to three of the 40% off ones, then you know that unless by a direct hand from God, you won't see the likes of the BIG sale. At the same time, you want to make it look like you put a halfway decent effort in so you want to clean up big and hit every last 50% off sale to at least fall in the 8-8 category. If you're keeping up so far, then the Super Bowl is a store closing sale and in this game, all bets are off and it's every team for themselves as they do anything to get the win. Now, since I'm done with my discovery, on to the games!
By the end of the day, there would be at least one team from Ohio with a win on the books. The question is would it be the visiting Cleveland Browns currently being led by QB Derek Anderson who has to deal with looking over at the Browns sideline and seeing backup QB Brady Quinn polishing off his helmet just waiting for the call from head coach, Romeo Crennel to jump in the game or would it be the Cincinnati Bengals, a team that hasn't seen a win since last season when they beat the Dolphins in week 17. In my pick 'em league, I picked Cleveland to win and they called me crazy. 90 minutes before game time, it was announced that the Bengals backup QB, Ryan Fitzpatrick would be starting in the place of Carson Palmer because of the soreness in Palmer's right elbow that he supposedly suffered from last Sunday's game. I of course, have the pictures that show his so called injury is nothing more than gnarly tennis elbow, and I'm sorry Mr. Palmer, but the truth must be told. It's probably better that Palmer took a day off because to call this game ugly is like calling the Statue of Liberty big. Ugly is a humongous understatement. Does 6-3 at the half and a scoreless 3rd quarter shed some light on the utter gruesomeness that was this 60 minutes of football? Wait...let's examine the bright side. Not only did Anderson play the entire game, but he also threw the 4thquarter pass to give Cleveland the lead that they never lost after that and he threw it to WR Braylon Edwards who didn't drop it...bonus! Chad Johnson caught his first TD for the season(go Ocho Cinco!), but even that wasn't enough to stop the Browns from getting their first win of the season by the score of 20-12. Now as Cleveland proves that a "W" is a "W" is a "W", I say, "Who's crazy now pick 'em league?!"
Now I don't know about you, but last season in the "Battle of the not quite ready for retirement players" when the Carolina Panthers and starting QB, 43 year old Vinny Testaverde met Kurt Warner's Arizona Cardinals, I was really disappointed when Warner left in the 1st quarter because of a sprained elbow and was replaced with QB Tim Rattay. Those memories are far past because in this season's battle, 37 year old Kurt "Six Million Dollar Man" Warner brought his Cardinals to play in the backyard inhabited by the New York Jets and their QB, 38 year old Brett "Should I stay or should I go" Favre. Football fans will remember the sore ankle that Favre was limping on after last Monday's San Diego game, but of course, even if Brett severed his arm in a horrible John Deere accident on Saturday, he'd still play on Sunday. If you're wondering how much of a QB slugfest these "old timers" could put on, let's just say that Warner completed 70% of his passes and Favre completed 71% of his.
First quarter was actually kind of dry because even though LB Chike Okeafor picked off a Favre pass, Arizona was rewarded with a blocked field goal for their efforts only 4 plays later. How can I put the second quarter into perspective? If you're a Jets fan, 2nd quarter was like the first episode of the Sopranos because you felt like you were on the verge of something really good, but if you're a Cardinals fan, then 2nd quarter was like the last episode of the Sopranos because even though you didn't know the game was just going to fade to black, you felt that the game just wasn't going to go the way you anticipated. 30 seconds hadn't even passed in the second and WR Laveraneus Coles had already caught his first Favre TD pass of the game. Coles caught 3 TD passes by the way...in just this quarter! The Jets do have an 11 man defense that comes onto the field from time to time and Arizona is aware of this since CB Darrelle Revis picked off a Warner pass and ran it the 32 yards for another Jets TD. And then there's this guy named Jay Feely who just so happened to kick a couple of New York field goals.That's 34 points for those keeping track at home..in just this quarter! I am no one to discount Arizona though, because even though veteran RB, Edgerrin James only ran for 29 yards, 6 of those yards contributed to 2 rushing TD's not to mention the 2 point conversion he ran in. You remember Kurt Warner, the Cardinal QB I was telling you about, right? Forget about the fact that he threw two TD's, don't think about the 3 fumbles, 5 sacks, or 3 interceptions either. As far as fantasy football owners are concerned, Warner is the best thing since sliced bread because of his 57 pass attempts that turned into 472 passing yards and 3 of his WR's had over 100 receiving yards. The sad part for Arizona and WR Anquan Boldin is that in the last 27 seconds, he had a helmet to helmet collision with Jets S Eric Smith. Thankfully Boldin was able to move his fingers and was talking as he was being carted off, and hopefully his tests will come back in a positive way. In spite of Boldin's accident, Arizona and the Six Million Dollar Man had no answer for Iron Man...I mean, Brett Favre and the Jets in a 56-35 battle. Did I say that Favre threw fora career high 6 TD's? I'm still thinking about the second quarter. My bad!
"Herm Edwards...you are the keeper of my quan man!" Can't you just see RB Larry Johnson saying that to the Chiefs head coach after yesterday? 3-0 Denver Broncos going up against the 1-2 Kansas City Chiefs? That's a cakewalk.We all know that the Denver D-line can't properly pass rush some high school football offenses, but the Broncos have the golden boy, QB Jay Cutler. The only reason anyone would pick the Chiefs to win this is if they were high, drunk, and eating mushrooms. Kansas City scored first with a 23 yard field goal...big deal...Cutler's coming. That's right...a 20 yard pass to WR Eddie Royal and Eddie..fumbles the ball?! What happens next is another Kansas City field goal, but 6-0 isn't too bad especially when it turns into 13-10 at the half in favor of the Chiefs. Wait...Johnson did rush for 93 yards which is just 3 yards shy of what he did for the entire first 2 games of the season and he did score with a 2 yard TD run. Could he be a factor in the second half...nah! Just 2 weeks ago, he was complaining about being "phased out" of the offensive picture. Let's call the second half what it was...a K showdown since Denver's kicker, Matt Prater scored 9 of the Broncos' only second half points. Chiefs kicker, Nick Novak only scored 6, but with QB Damon Huard's 10 yard TD pass to TE Anthony Gonzalez, and Larry's second TD run, Kansas City ended its losing streak thanks to Denver with a stunning 33-19 upset. Johnson carried 28 times for 198 yards, but what matters most is that I am invoking last week's Dolphin rule. No matter how much money you bet that Kansas City was going to win...you still lose because your bet defies all laws of physics and logic and if you were to be rewarded for such a bet, the entire space time continuum as we know it would be even more disheveled than when news spread of Brady being out for the season.
In other scores...
Tennessee 30 Minnesota 17
New Orleans 31 San Francisco 17
Tampa Bay 30 Green Bay 21
Carolina 24 Atlanta 9
Jacksonville 30 Houston 27
San Diego 28 Oakland 18
Buffalo 31 St. Louis 14
Washington 26 Dallas 24 (SILENCE o' fans of Washington)
Chicago 24 Philadelphia 20
